A List of Wants and Needs

51 things I want at the moment.

My friend Michele asked “What’s the obsession with “Manifesting?” – to which I responded with my theory: we don’t teach women how to ask for what they need and/or actively tamp it down, so it’s socially acceptable to “manifest” instead of just practicing clear communication.

I am committed to practicing this skill.

Start with the thinking piece: 

What do I want? What do I need? What am I not letting myself ask? 

Sometimes the thinking piece is harder even than saying it out loud. Sometimes the asking part is hard. Sometimes you’ll censor yourself in your head: I can’t possibly want that. That’s too expensive. People will roll their eyes. People will cancel me. It’s too selfish. It’s too small. It would be weird if I had the same desire as someone else. It would be weird if I had a vastly different desire than someone else. I am embarrassed. (Your thoughts are valid.) 

When you start practicing asking for the things you need and want, you start... getting them. Sometimes you don’t get them. But you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. (Thank you, Wayne Gretzky.) 

People can best help you if they know what you want. You can also help yourself when you work to uncover both what you want and what you need. You may also find that in expressing what you want, there are other ways to achieve things than how you imagine.  

I like to think large and expansively, AND specifically. I like to dream big and small. I like to get curious. Let something shape itself.

By simply writing out a list I move myself forward.

Here’s how I actually do this practice:

a library of books and lists

A short list of things that I want, at the moment: 

Why the qualifier “at the moment”?  Sometimes, over the course of time, your wants change. That’s okay. Sometimes you express your desire for something and you get more information that it’s not the right fit. Also okay! 

Things at Home

• I want to start ramping up my collection of art: paintings, prints, photographs, from real artists to fill my walls. I’d like to be able to commission more work from my friends and acquaintances who are working artists. Weavings from Catheline. Everyday chairs, books, and tea from Zsofia. Another piece from my friend Judith.

• I want to create a list of art that I’d like to acquire.  

• I want an Eames Lounge Chair. And a Womb chair. At some point replace my fourth-hand IKEA sofa that’s still (barely) hanging in.

• I’d like weekly cleaning support, the occasional personal chef, and someone who can do errands for me a few times a week. 

• I want to continue my weekly flower habit - including flower shares! And maybe a fancy Winston bouquet every so often. Generally, I want more plants.

• I want to go to Newtonville Books, where I am a member (and you could be too! she’s trying to get to 2500 members for their 25th anniversary!), and get a stack of 25 new delightful things to read. 

For Ompractice: my fitness and mindfulness company.

• I want our students to always feel like they are always supported, seen, and delighted. That they’ve learned something new, tried something exciting. I want them to always see the possibilities for themselves. I want to be able to create something meaningful for people who are at the beginning of their path. Who are getting ready to try their first ever Tai Chi class. I want to celebrate our “regulars” better. 

• I want every woman to have access to great strength training classes and pelvic mobility classes and to build a strong foundation for healthy aging, and come to Ompractice to do so.

• I want everyone who reads our newsletter to learn something new that they can apply in their day-to-day lives to feel a little better, stronger, curious. 

• I want every health insurer in Massachusetts to offer Ompractice for free to their members. I want every health insurer in the country to offer Ompractice for free to their members.

• I want to be offered as an employee benefit in every major Massachusetts based employer, including all of my amazing NEEBC colleagues. 

• I want all clinicians across the country to have access to Ompractice for themselves to decompress after shifts, and be able to prescribe Ompractice to their patients. 

• Nationally, I want to partner with: IKEA, Nike, REI, Trader Joes, Publix, Target, JetBlue, the NBA, Apple, and Disney. 

• I want you to be able to get Ompractice membership for free from your Library, be it the Boston Public Library or your tiny home town library.

• On that note, I’d love to speak at the Disney Institute and work with all companies who send their leadership to the Disney Institute. Ditto for Zingermans and ZingTrain.  

• I want partnerships with every state elder/aging department in the country. 

• I want to expand with every VAMC and VISN in the Department of Veterans Affairs.  

• I want to give raises to our whole team for the hard work they do in the next 3 months because we’ve achieved some major milestones. 

• I want to grow our team meaningfully, with stability.

• I want to bring everyone together in a warm place for quarterly planning. 

• I want to be able to support every team member with the tools that they need to effectively do their jobs without a ton of overhead hassle. 

• I want to be able to offer in-person opportunities for our students and teachers to connect with each other. 

• I want to collaborate with: Adriene Mishler, Tim Ferriss, Selena Gomez, Serena Williams, Martha Stewart, Brené Brown, Samantha Brown (yep, the travel one!). 

For My Writing: 

• I want my writing and my words to impact people’s day to day lives. I want to write something every day that helps someone do something more easily, notice something they haven’t seen before or find some joyful moment in the chaos that is this life. 

• I want 500 new free subscribers for my Good Things newsletter this quarter. I want 10 new paid subscriptions. (I really want 12,000. But you have to start somewhere. Or do you? Reminder: look for leverage.) 

• I want to be known for helping people live a more mindful, purposeful, and joyful life. 

• I want to be on speed-dial for journalists who need a quick turnaround quote or thought - there’s honestly nothing I like more than being asked a question and having an answer for it. 

• I want to write in (or be written about in – hopefully not because I’ve done something terrible): HBR, The Atlantic, The New Yorker, Wondermind, Teen Vogue, AARP Magazine, The Economist, The Boston Globe, and the Wellesley Bulletin.

For My Voice:

• I want to step up and speak more about the topics that I’m interested in: Good Things, joy, mindful and purposeful living, creativity, community, Sed Min, longevity and health-span (living well, not just living long).  

• I want to help others ask for what they want. For a few years, I taught salary negotiation classes for the City of Boston. I want to do the same for getting people comfortable figuring out what they need, want, and asking for things.

• I want to always have the courage to use my voice when it helps others, even when it may have negative consequences for me. 

For My Creativity:

• I want to be a creative font, always able to pull from a well that I’m constantly filling. On that note, I’d like to sit on a museum board at some point: MFA or Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum - working to expand access and opportunities in the arts for an expansive and changing demographic.  

• I want a room completely filled with art supplies of all kinds. (While I’m at it, office supplies as well.)

• I want to try bronze sculpting. A botanical drawing class at the Wellesley Greenhouse.

• I want to do a large scale ephemeral nature piece. Or maybe non-ephemeral but just meant to live outdoors.

• I want to visit museums of all kinds around the world. I want to eat amazing food all over the world – a dinner at Noma, opportunity to cook and nerd out about food and cooking with amazing people again a la “my time in San Francisco” at Omnivore Books, I’d like dinner in a field, and to cook family dishes with incredible humans in any sphere.

• I want to experience more live music. My grandmother had season tickets to symphony - I’m not sure that particular thing is what I want, but I love the *idea* of committing to something like that and being a “regular”.

For My Energy:

• I want to do so many amazing things and have the energy to pursue them. 

• I want to feel my best when I wake up in the morning, every day. I’d like to get better at setting a reasonable bed time.  

• I want to be able to channel focus in my brain better, and turn down the volume on multiple streams when needed. 

With Relationships with others:

• I want to be able to more clearly communicate my wants and needs so people are not surprised when I actually do ask for something. 

• I want to bring my friends and family together more frequently - hosting opportunities for people to drop in and eat something, or play a game, or meet to hike. 

• I want to surround myself more regularly with people who are the most interesting person in the room and set their mind to achieving great things. 

• I want to practice saying no to things that drain energy, so I can more easily say yes to the things that fill my cup. 

• I want to be able to support my friends in their incredible achievements and dreams – and celebrate the mediocre ones, too!

• I want to always love without fear of loss; love freely and abundantly.

• I want to be better at meaningfully showing up for the people I love. Deepen connections with people who show up for me.

• I want more opportunities to travel with friends and family. And to learn with friends and family (taking courses, cooking classes, learning new skills, growing together.)

• I want to be able to plan an epic adventure and treat guests to the experience. 

Because it can’t hurt to ask: 

• I’d like a Disney Annual Pass, and to stay at: The Yacht Club, the Animal Kingdom swanky house suites, The Grand Floridian.

• I want more opportunities to spend time on other people’s boats. (I do not want or need my own boat, for now.) On that note, I’d like to be invited to your Viking River Boat Tour. (Not for me, but I’m still wildly inspired by my friend Beth being named a Godmother of a luxury cruise ship.)

• A Formaggio Voyage Fromage membership.

• I’d like a fresh pair of Brooks Glycerin in size 11 mens (sasquatch feet) to show up at my doorstep every month.

• A sponsored membership to The Quin. Also a parking pass.

• Every month, I have a goal of filling with a Once in a Lifetime Opportunity (every month) - I want these to be wilder than I could possibly imagine. 

A quick final note on what to DO with a list like this

One of the reasons that I make lists like this? To help create and clarify my own priorities. The nice thing is, if I really want something - I have the power to take action on making it happen. I can tell someone. I can pick a next step. If something feels daunting, I can take the smallest step forward. Or I can take a leap.

✨ And yes, while it’s not really “manifesting” – I can expect a little magic. When we speak our dreams, they have a habit of coming true.

Know someone who might benefit from some inspiration to ask? Please share this post with them!